5 Ways to Fight the Symptoms of Seasonal Depression

The symptoms of seasonal depression become more and more difficult to fight as fiercely cold weather sets in, and the days start getting shorter--with darkness falling during the late afternoon hours. If you're like me, you may not be clinically diagnosed with seasonally induced sadness--but there's definitely a sense of disenchantment and frustration that can set in. Here are a few ways to help ward it off:

Recognize that it is completely normal.
In an environment that naturally lends itself to less activity it is easy to start to feel like you are being lazy. Give yourself a break.

Stay busy.
Even if you're not doing very much outside your home, be sure to keep your mind busy. Work on the action steps for your goals, read books, paint--whatever you can do to keep the creative juices flowing is good. Don't let your mind become idle--that's when it can start to zone in on those negative egoic (read: fearful) thoughts.

Surround yourself with light.
Fill your home with lots of warm light to help accommodate for the lesser amount of sunlight you're getting.

Take a break from social media, blogs and email.
Nothing can make me feel worse about myself than when I am already sad, than scrolling through my social media feeds. In these times it gets so easy to start comparing my life to the "great" lives it seems like everyone else has. Most people only post the good stuff on social media anyway--everyone has their struggles. Beginning comparison thinking is the worst thing you can do for your mood. Avoid it at all costs.

Remember that it is only temporary.
The seasons will continue to change as part of the earth's natural ebb and flow--as will your moods along your journey. You just have to roll with it, knowing that things will turn around. Spring will come around before you know it, bringing you lots of sunshine and bright skies. Hang in there. 

{photo source}

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The Season for Giving

As the season of gratitude that we call Thanksgiving comes to a close, the season for giving—Christmas—comes in on its heels. Amidst thoughts of holiday décor, fine foods, snowy weather and presents under the tree, be reminded to give things that are intangible, like your time and your love. Why not:

Volunteer to serve food at a shelter?

Have your nieces and nephews over for a sleepover to give your sister or brother a break?

Invite that neighbor who is spending the holidays alone over for a meal?

Volunteer to shop or wrap presents for an elderly friend, neighbor or relative?

Make a donation to an annual or community drive like Toys for Tots, your local food bank or (this year in particular) the Red Cross?

What are some of the ways you give back during the holidays?

{*photo source}

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Guest Post: It Is Well with My Soul

In this PLPT guest post, Jess J. discovers an awareness of peace within silence that signals that all is well. It's one that we should all train ourselves to recognize, and to go back to when the noise of the outside world gets too loud. 

I sat, wanting to write and with full knowledge that I promised a guest post to Kim and GG, soon. I did not have an idea or even an event to draw upon for inspiration, but I had the words, “It was well with my soul,” that seem to have taken root in my heart as of late. So, I thought it best to start there and naturally a story unfolded. I went digging for a quote with this thought on my mind, these words, and I came across a stanza from one of my favorite poems, Desiderata by Max Ehrmann that reads,

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

Clearly I was being given the words with which I needed to start. So I finally listened.

Affirmation…perhaps the greatest affirmation is silence. Not of the awkward kind, but the kind of silence that sounds like peace and sunshine when things are as they should be.

There are few moments in life when we can breathe freely, not in need, not in desire, not in fear but truly breathe, as is our purpose to do without any attachment to the action. There are even fewer moments when we become aware of those breaths and appreciate them. If that is not affirmation of a good life, I am not sure what is.

More and more as I grow more reflective in my life, I find that this sort of peace is the intoxicating kind that of course only comes when you are not focused on it. It is like one of those 3-D art pictures that used to be in the Sunday news paper, where if you focused, looking right at it all you saw was squiggles and colors but once you relaxed, let your gaze soften and look beyond that which was right in front of you, you saw this picture.

I heard it said recently that there is no right or wrong, there only is what is and life adjusts accordingly. It made me a bit nervous to think about the fact that my decisions can all, essentially, be life-changing. However, after I act I wait. I wait for the silence to speak to me, and its there just beneath the noise of the world. I listen for the quiet affirmation that ‘what is’ is what ‘should be’. And when I hear that quiet, and feel that warmth I am at peace. And it is well with my soul.

- Jess J.

For more of Jess J.'s insights, check out her blog and her tumblr.

*Photo via Pinterest

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What Makes You Feel Beautiful?

Today I was thinking about why it's so important for some of us women to feel pretty.  Do men ponder their handsomeness?  I daresay that they are more likely to think about their confidence or their toughness more than their pretty.  At least, that goes for the kind of men that I usually fancy.   Ha!

Anyway, as I sat there wondering if I'm too vain or too materialistic, I remembered the excerpt above that I came across last week.   And it clicked for me that it's okay for me to love pretty things and makeup and clothes and gratuitous girlyness. 

Underneath all of that is a woman who constantly assesses the wellness of her spirit, and strives to be beautiful in action and in intention.  And that's what really truly actually and magically makes me feel beautiful.   What about you?

Inner beauty, too, needs occasionally to be told it is beautiful. 

 

~ Robert Brault

 

 

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Reflection Exercise: Are You An Overthinker?

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. ~Elbert Hubbard

Are you an overthinker?  Do you talk yourself out of things that your heart is telling you really want?  Do you worry about making mistakes to the point that you end up not making any move at all?  Do you convince yourself that people don't like you or understand you?   Overthinking makes everything seem worse or more complicated than it is.

Today, I spent an hour thinking about how to tackle my to-do list. Where to start/how much time things will take/what's most important or least. It's not that those aren't good things to think about, but an hour? I could have accomplished a good chunk of the list in that amount of time.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't plan ahead and be thoughtful. When it comes to my children, I think about their safety all the time and I try to anticipate their needs. It's always a fine balance of holding on and letting go.

Being the self-conscious girl that I am, I tend to worry unnecessarily about too many things:

* How people perceive me (Do I come across as stuck up, selfish, timid or unintelligent? Did I just sound rude or pushy? Did I say thank you?)

* Random Accidents (never worried about these things until I had babies)

* Change (will I rejoice in it or regret it?)

* General Messing Up of Stuff (children, jobs, homes, cars, bills, credit, feelings, nutrition, exercise, politics, the environment, school, insurance, etc. I could literally go on and on and all of those categories can collapse into a zillion others. Being a grown up can be a serious buzz kill if you don't have an optimistic attitude about it all. But then of course, there's wine, so that helps.)

Your turn.  What do you tend to overthink about? Be honest with yourself.  Here are some ideas to help you stop analyzing and indulge more in enjoying your life.

* Pray. If you're worried about anything at all, just pray and immediately let it go. Remember that you are safe no matter how things may seem.

* Be thankful for the problems that you don't have. Instead of creating more worries by overanalyzing, flip it and think about all the things that you do NOT have to worry about.

* Learn to laugh at yourself. Don't take yourself so seriously. When you catch yourself doing too much - laugh at yourself and shake it off. Your life will only be as enjoyable as you allow it to be.

* Develop a thick skin. Work on yourself and build up your resistance to failure, embarrassment and sucky people. How many things have you not tried or not said because you were worried about the potential criticism?

* Trust your intincts. Even if things don't go as planned, you will learn from it. Believe in the process.

* Give yourself a time limit. Forethought is a good thing. But give yourself a time limit so that it doesn't turn into procrastination.

* Get out of your own head. Ask questions. Have a conversation. Do some research. Stop going around and around with it.

* Practice staying calm and centered in yourself. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. Don't allow hype and negative energy to invade your space.

Do you want to add anything? Please share in the comments.

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Inner Pretty: Giving Back

Yesterday afternoon, I had the opportunity to speak with a group of middle schoolers at Camp Font-Tastic at Morgan State University, my alma mater. I showed up with my social media etiquette presentation notes in hand and a small hope in my heart that at least a couple of the campers would be willing to answer some of my questions and give me a glimmer of feedback. Sure, I knew I was presenting a topic of interest and relevance to them; but also knowing that they were about the same age as my son, and how he lapses into silences when I least expect it, I wasn’t sure of what I would get.

I was over-whelmed by the candor with which the group responded. Most of the young men and women openly participated in the discussion--not only did they answer my questions and respond to my examples, but they presented really thoughtful questions, and even had a few funny stories in their back pockets.

I left that classroom grateful that I’d had the opportunity to engage and hopeful that they’d learned something. But most importantly, I left with a huge smile on my face. Nothing contributes to my inner pretty and inner peace more than sharing a little bit of myself with others. And children in particular, have such an honest way about them that’s inspiring—they don’t pull any punches, and they don’t tip toe around your feelings. You know if you’ve connected with them or if you haven’t. And I had forgotten the refreshing feeling of looking into so many eyes full of hope and hungry for information.

I used to volunteer regularly with kids of all ages, but hadn’t done so in a really long time. I think those campers have reinvigorated my love of giving back in that way. When I became a parent, I zeroed in my own kid, and those that are close to me. But there are so many others that might benefit from a bit of inner pretty.

Do you regularly volunteer or give back in some way?

How does it make you feel?

*Photo via Pinterest

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Your Vulnerability is Pretty Too

Often, when I think of allowing myself to be vulnerable, I worry about being judged. I worry that my not being completely put together and on top of everything all the time might somehow make me less likeable—less lovable. Sound familiar?

But in truth, it is when we are vulnerable that we are at our most beautiful, because we become that raw, open, honest human that has the ability to share a connection with another person. 

In truth, our fears, insecurities and emotional hiccups are part of the roadmap to our growth and success. It’s when we feel at our worst that we get up and do something about it, and learn about ourselves in the process. 

Know that your vulnerability is just as gorgeous and wonderful as your strength—in fact, it sometimes takes a stronger person to be willing to open up and to accept whatever consequences may come with that, for better or for worse. 

One of my best friends is finding her way to a relationship with a parent who wasn’t formerly in her life, and it’s causing her to soften and to be honest with herself about desires, hopes and wishes she didn’t dare speak of before. And I admire the light and the beauty I’m seeing in her eyes because of it. 

Another best friend and I finally gave a voice to the disconnect we’d each been feeling separately for a while. We acknowledged that we’re in different places in our lives, each valuing differing experiences right now. And that’s okay! Despite those differences, and because of that honest, vulnerable conversation, I feel even closer to her than before. I know something about her that I didn’t know before. 

Allowing myself to become emotionally naked has helped me to become a better friend and a better girlfriend. The people in my life know now that I trust them enough to share even what’s scary and buried—something that would have NEVER happened in the past--and ultimately, I think, that makes me a prettier person to them as a whole. 

Despite what you may have been told in the past, your vulnerability is pretty too. It’s a major part of who you are. How might letting go of your emotional armor allow you to better connect to the people in your life?


Photo via Pinterest

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How to Avoid Being an Emotional Cutter

Have you ever heard of teens who physically cut their bodies as a way of dealing with emotional pain? They are called cutters. They commit this physical act of hurting themselves as a way to focus; thinking that they won’t feel the emotional hurt if they are focused on the physical pain.

It’s not always a logical connection, but in many ways adults can be cutters as well--emotionally. Have you ever felt that “fight or flight” emotion? Ever felt like there was something you needed to do, but couldn’t get motivated to do it until you were backed into a corner? You know—not getting your finances together until you’ve spent 6 months close to being evicted from your apartment; or not getting a job until you’re so severely in debt that it will take you years to climb out; or quitting your job without having a new one because you feel like that will force you to do the search.

Holding off on making a change until the very last second is, in a sense, punishing yourself emotionally--like a cutter would punish his or herself physically. So how can you avoid getting to this point? With two very important things: planning and patience.

Planning

Figure out what your goal is, and then write down the logical steps to get there. Give yourself a time limit: can you do this in a week? One year? Five years? Set reasonable expectations for yourself and be adamant about working consistently toward your goal. You won’t see progress overnight but you will be able to track that change weekly, or monthly or yearly—if you stick to it.

Patience

And that’s where the patience comes in. Yes—you’re frustrated at your circumstances, but knowing that you have a plan in place to change them gives you the upper hand. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, just take a look at how far you’ve come, and then update your plan; this gives you something to focus on other than what’s upsetting you.

Have you ever felt like you were an emotional cutter? What other tools did you use to turn your frustration around?

Photo via Pinterest

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Inner Pretty: How Not to be One of Those Obnoxious People Bothering Others

I think GG really hit the nail on the head with her recent post, Misery Business: How to Stop Letting Obnoxious People Bother You. We can all relate to how annoying it is to be the target—or even caught in the crossfire--of someone else’s misery spreading spree.

But just important to be aware of, is the kind of energy we are spreading; and how we can avoid being one of those negative, complaining, obnoxious people that make others want to run in the other direction. Sometimes, we are so wrapped up in own issues that we forget to be cognizant of others around us.

"If you don't have anything nice to say to someone, then don't say it." This is the best rule of thumb. No matter how helpful you think you’re being, keep in mind that you may not have all the information about the situation you’re judging. And even if you do—it’s usually better to be quietly empathetic, than loudly judgmental. If the situation was reversed, wouldn’t you want a little compassion?

It can be so so difficult at times—especially when you’re in a situation where you have others with whom to commiserate (like at work)—but don’t complain. The more attention and energy you give a negative situation, the more it grows. You’re feeding it and giving it life. Walk away from it. Breathe through it. Meditate through it. Chant your favorite mantra. Use your self-talk to turn those negatives in your situation into positives. Create the silver lining. And you’ll find, that the fewer opportunities you give people to draw you into a cloud of complaining, the less they’ll come to you to talk about things that bring you down.

Be so focused on yourself and whatever you’re trying to achieve, that you don’t have time to worry about what anyone else has got going on (in other words, mind your business). Focus is an amazing thing—it will go wherever you lead it! Channel your energy into taking positive steps towards creating the life/career/family you want, instead of on what others could be doing for themselves. You’ve got your journey; they’ve got theirs. And that’s how it’s supposed to be.


photo via Pinterest

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Learning the Truth about Yourself

In order to reach your full potential and discover your purpose, it is vital that you learn the truth about yourself.

I have a deep seated belief that I’m not as smart or creative as I think, and that my endeavors won’t necessarily be successful or that people will hate what I’ve done. I know that this is because of the messages that were drilled into my head by my peers when I was a child and a teen. I skipped two grades in elementary school because I was an advanced learner. School just came easily to me. So my peers were, for the better part of my formative years, two years older than me and very often—just plain old mean. They didn’t understand why parents and principals and newspapers were so fascinated by me and would be sure that I knew they were certainly not impressed. And let’s be real: at that age it’s really your peers’ approval that you’re seeking—not your parents’. And so I shrunk against the weight of their scrutiny and tried not to be so “good”.

Even now, I continue to struggle with feelings that I could and should have done more and that I would be so much farther along in life and career if I had only done "X" (notice all the words there that don’t belong? “Woulda, coulda, shoulda” much?). So it is a constant struggle to allow myself to be a success at anything—oh I do well at things, but I have to push myself mentally and emotionally to really excel. I have to get really good with my self-talk to not only be unafraid to fail, but to be unafraid to succeed.

In order to establish and maintain healthy relationships, it is important to learn the truth about yourself.

I have a little bit of relationship baggage. I have an ex boyfriend who, every time we had a disagreement or he perceived me to have done something ‘wrong’, would stop speaking to me. Well—I’d get a few choice words via text or email and then he’d stop speaking to me. For days. And when he had been really offended, he’d break up with me (only to later come back). This cycle went on for way too long, and even though I eventually became immune to it with him, I still occasionally have moments of fear in my current relationship. When the honey and I have a disagreement there’s a moment where my stomach flips, and I’m terrified that he’s going to leave, before I remind myself that this is just my egoic insecurity and talk myself off the ledge.

My point in each of these stories is that I’ve learned enough about myself to know when I’m operating out of fear, or reacting based on past pain that is completely unrelated to my current situation. And that is how you too can overcome whatever it is you fear. Learn what your triggers are so that you are able to control yourself when they are tipped. You can start to take your power back just by being aware.

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Notes for When You’re Feeling Emotionally Bankrupt

There are some times when you feel emotionally bankrupt. You don’t feel up, you don’t feel down…you just feel empty; or you don’t know what to feel. And often it’s difficult to pinpoint why you’re so out of it.

It is natural for our emotions to ebb and flow—due to hormones, or change in weather or just being plain overwhelmed. There are several ways that we can slowly, but surely, refill our emotional tanks and avoid losing focus or becoming depressed:

Be still

You can’t hear your inner guide if there’s too much external noise. Practice tuning out the world, and tuning into your inner awareness—this is where all the answers lie that will lead you to a place of fullness.

Take it one day at a time

If you are an over-planner, a multi-tasker or suffer from superwoman syndrome, this is especially important for you. Sometimes you have to live in the present. Stop planning, stop organizing, ignore your lists and focus on your emotional health.

Acknowledge your dark as well as your light

Everything in this Universe has an opposite. It is how balance is maintained. There’s nothing wrong with you if, from time to time, you feel a bit down. It is natural and necessary. You can’t heal until you acknowledge your feelings, discover the triggers for these feelings and fully explore ways to transform the area of your life that needs work.

Exercise often and avoid alcohol

Even if it’s just a walk around the block, exercise is important to emotional health. Endorphins have a counter-balancing effect to our other hormones; they can help lift us up out of a funk. Conversely alcohol generally has the effect of magnifying whatever it is we’re already feeling. Even if you’re hanging out with your girls (which is major emotional therapy in itself), be cognizant of how alcohol could have the potential to affect you after the girls have gone home and you’re left alone again with your feelings.

Talk to an objective party

Whether your mom, your best friend or your therapist, talk to someone about how you’re feeling. It’s important that this someone is an objective party who will not dictate answers to you based on their own experiences, but who will listen and help you to draw your own conclusions. No one else can do the work for you—the journey is all yours.

Most importantly, remember that emotions are temporary. No matter what you’re feeling right now, you can turn it around. Don’t let a little bit of darkness cause you to forget that you are full of love and light.


photo via Pinterest

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Showcase Your Inner Pretty: Practice Loving Everyone

We love our families, our friends and our romantic partners—that’s easy. The thing that takes work is practicing loving everyone else, and letting love be the conduit for our actions at all times.

When we think of love as general positive energy, in opposition to negativity, it becomes easier to see how we can love everyone we encounter. We send love out to everyone by practicing empathy, patience and understanding.

We practice loving everyone by being giving, and sharing what we have been blessed to have with those who are less fortunate; by being of service.

We are loving when we refrain from criticizing, gossip or speaking ill of those around us who fail to behave, look or think as we believe they should.

When we meet frustration with calm, and work to sort through the problem, we are love in practice.

It’s not always easy to offer that smile when we’re upset, to engage someone when we’re tired, or to excuse behavior that offends us—but it is possible….if we practice.

Affirmations

I choose to see this differently. I release my negativity and I choose to view life with a perspective of love and gratitude.

In every moment I have the opportunity to choose my thoughts; I choose thoughts filled with love and forgiveness. 

I welcome energy, light and love into my heart today and I invite them to guide all my choices.

I recognize that their reaction to me isn’t about me at all. I choose to respond with love, knowing that they are suffering too.

I am love, and like attracts like.

Photo source: Pinterest

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When the Thanks Don’t Come Easy: 4 Reasons to Give Thanks In the Midst of Hard Times

via Pinterest

Balance is everything.  In order to have peace of mind, we must let go and allow ourselves to accept everything that life has to offer - the ups and the downs - without judgement.   Highs come with lows, mistakes come with success and pleasure comes with pain.  As we live through the extremes that create balance, we learn to ride the waves.  We don't get to choose balance, it's divinely a part of this life. Our choice is whether we accept it or fight against it.  When we look for meaning in the unpleasant and uncomfortable things that happen in our lives, we learn to embrace a consistent energy of gratitude that can sustain us through any and everything.

In the spirit of embracing balance, consider the following opportunities to give thanks even in the midst of hard times:

*Thanks for broken relationships.  This one's for the relationships that didn't last.  Over and over we ask ourselves what we could have done differently.   But if every relationship is about growth and development, then there are times that we just have to let go once we learn what we are meant to learn.  We can be thankful for the presence of mind to move beyond the emotion and look for the growth.  Somewhere beyond the grief and pain is an important lesson waiting to be learned.

*Thanks for disappointment.   Life is challenging.  There will be change, discomfort, betrayal, misunderstandings, obstacles, mysteries, and grief.  We will at times feel lost and forgotten.  There will be situations that seem unfair. What looks bad today, can turn around and bless us tomorrow.  We should ultimately be thankful for all these things because they are necessary detours we have to take to get where we're going.  We can't avoid disappointment, but we can reframe how we think about it. 

*Thanks for criticism.  Let's be thankful for the critics in our lives that push us to gain a firmer understanding of who we are.  Through criticism we learn to develop a thick skin and a strong sense of self.  Thanks to criticism, we learn that we can't please everyone, so we might as well shine and be fulfilled from within.  Likewise, we can stop taking everything so personally and looking for reasons to feel sorry for ourselves.  Some criticism is constructive and some is not, but we have to go through it to learn the difference.

*Thanks for being alone.  Many of us fear separation; the idea of  being alone, and seemingly unwanted can be terrifying.  We keep buffers around to avoid spending too much time on our own.  There's a special kind of wisdom that comes from appreciating and cherishing time alone.   Sometimes we have to step out on our own and make a new way. Sometimes we have to spend time alone to discover that special thing that we love to do.  We don't necessarily welcome that alone time at first.  But here's to loving yourself enough to take time out to relate to your inner world, even when it's not easy to do so.

What challenging aspects of life are you thankful for?  Can you think back on difficult situations that you've faced and see the opportunities for growth and self-awareness?

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Pretty Things: Lovely Links for Style and Beauty Inspiration

"There is no law that says that

a person of inner beauty cannot

also maintain an appearance."

~Robert Brault

As much as we love everything about peace and love and personal growth, we also love PRETTY THINGS. We believe it's important to take care of yourself inside and out -- and to the extent that you can control your environment; your surroundings should also be beautiful and reflect who you are inside.

We love the following blogs for the daily fashion, style and beauty inspiration that they provide.  Always true to our ethos, we also love these blogs for their focus on self-fulfillment, expression and creativity.

The Simply Luxurious Life was created by Shannon Ables.  She posts loveliness Monday through Friday, and I never miss a post.  They are full of visual and verbal appetizers that remind me that despite how frazzled and overworked I feel most of the time; I'm a graceful and enlightened creature who deserves a luxurious life.  That luxury is defined by me in terms of who I am, how I choose to feel, and how I choose to express myself.   

Here's what she says about how she came to create her blog: "I decided to share my passions, approaches and ideas as a way to help others find their passion in life by clearing out the clutter and bringing in the luxurious necessities that can enliven and inspire each day no matter what one's income, location or situation."


Recent posts you will love: 
 
First, Seek Self-Approval
Style Inspiration
Single or Married: 20 Things to Do

Following Natural Belle on her blog or tumblr will give you all the fashion and hair inspiration that you could ever need.

From her bio: "Natural hair and style blogger since 2008; Belle of Naturalbelle is a British natural who documents her hair journey and highlights natural beauty and style in the mainstream. She describes her blog as "an online magazine inspired by natural hair and fashion with a bit of narcissism thrown in.  Her main aim is to inspire women to embrace their natural assets and highlight the beauty of all natural women."

I get so much inspiration from the beautiful images she shares on her sites.  When I was initially getting used to having natural hair, her site was one that showed me the extensive diversity of it.  More than that, I found her site at a time when I needed to reconnect with my sense of creativity and self-expression.  If you love modern and retro style, fashion and hair - you will love Natural Belle.

Recent posts you will love:

The Inspiration: Halloween
Capsule Closet: Grey, Metallic & Blue
The Icon: Angela Davis

Tiffany was just featured as one of our GEMS last week, and I could not do this post without including her lovely blog.   Her story is so inspirational and should convey to everyone who reads it that it is possible to create the time and space to do the things we love AND get paid for doing them!

From her blog: "ACCIDENTAL Chic is an inside look at Tiffani's life as a fashion stylist and interior decorator. She gives advice for timeless style, along with the latest trends and has a devotion to living a beautiful life." 

We were fortunate enough to meet Tiffani last year at an event in DC and she has a beautiful spirit that compliments her approach to style, interior design and life.  You will find that her warmth and her love for what she does comes across through her blog.

Recent posts you will love:

Mantra Monday
Ask a Stylist: What Wardrobe Staples Should I Have
Pillow Talk


What are some of your favorite fashion, style and beauty blogs?  With so many out there, what makes your favorites stand out??

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Affirmations for Patience

We're used to getting our way.

We don't want to be left behind. 

We don't like being uncomfortable.   

We don't want to end up alone. 

We want more money or status.   

We feel pressed for time.

We think that things or situations can make us happy.

We are waiting for others to do or be something different.

These are some of the things that make us impatient.

These thoughts swirl around in our minds: "I just can't wait until...." or "I'll be happy when..." or "I wish this person would just grow up and ..." We want what we want and we want it now. 

Do you feel like you're never satisfied?  Do you look around and only see what's wrong or what's missing?  Well, it's time to change your perspective. 

Learning to be patient can help you in every aspect of your life.  Spiritually, emotionally and even physically, we all benefit from accepting the present moment -- no matter how uncomfortable we think it is. 

Consider the following affirmations to help you increase your patience and develop a healthy sense of tolerance:

I am supposed to be right here, right now.

I will be patient with myself and therefore increase my patience with others.

I will avoid the urge to hurry and hasten my way through life.

I will be quiet, breathe deeply and listen when I feel frustrated and impatient.

I will not base my happiness on the speediness of a particular outcome.

I will appreciate what every moment has to offer; not only when things are going my way.

How do you check yourself when you're feeling impatient with yourself or someone else?

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Five Ways to Affirm Your Worth

When our lives don't go quite the way we would like them to, we feel out of control; we start to feel unworthy of the things we desire, so we beat up on ourselves, instead of affirming how much we’re actually worth. We feed feelings of insecurity about everything from our jobs to the way our bodies look.

What we might want to do in these instances is to spend some time reflecting on what we offer ourselves, our families and the world that are worthwhile contributions.

So how do we nourish our spirits and start to get some of that control back? How do you affirm your worth?

Compliment yourself - Stand in the mirror. Look at yourself. Note all the great things that you love, and compliment yourself on them. “I really love my hair” “I have beautiful eyes” “My arms are so toned” (Focus only on what you like about yourself—don’t get caught up in what you wish you could change).

Learn to accept compliments from others - Have you ever noticed that it is particularly difficult to accept a compliment from someone else when you're feeling insecure? When someone compliments you on your hair, instead of launching into a diatribe about how difficult it was to get it to straighten or how it's really very dry today, try saying "thank you" with a smile. Let the beautiful things that others say about you sink in until they become your self-talk.

Tell yourself “I Love You” – We say it to our children, friends, parents and significant others—but how often do we say it to ourselves? Tell yourself “I Love You” and affirm that you too are worth the same love that you shower onto others.

Do something that you naturally do really well – The idea here is not to challenge yourself, but to do something at which you excel without even trying. Do you have a beautiful voice? Sing to yourself. Are you a fast runner? Hit the pavement. Can you sketch beautifully? Break out that pencil. Allow yourself to get so lost in that activity that you forget to wallow.

Spend time with children – It doesn’t matter if they’re your own children, nieces and nephews or a group of children you volunteer with; just hang out with them. You will never look cooler, smarter or more talented than through the eyes of a young child. They’re so curious, and find it fascinating that you have so many answers. See yourself through their eyes for awhile and be reminded about how much you’ve accomplished since you were that age.

Emotions, both dark and light, are natural so we’re going to feel less confident from time to time. The key is to make sure it’s a temporary feeling.

What are some other things you do to affirm your worth?

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Why You Need to Let Go of Your Anger

In this PLPT Guest Post, Pastor/Professor Lawrence Ware reminds us of why it is so damaging to hold onto anger, and why we need to let it go.

There are few actions more harmful to our spiritual selves than holding on to anger.

Now, don't get me wrong: anger is a natural emotion. It is as natural for us to feel anger as for us to feel fear, joy, or sadness.

Anger can be good. Malcolm X, Gandhi, and Martin Luther King, Jr. all are examples of individuals who were angered by conditions of injustice and used that anger to fight for the well being of mankind.

It is not the emotion of anger that troubles me—it is the holding on to anger that I am addressing.

So many of us have been hurt in the past, and we allow the pain of that past experience to negatively effect us today.

So many people have been so hurt by past relationships that they live in a state of existential angst—they want a new relationship, but are unable to live healthily within it.

Too many mothers have been hurt by the fathers of their children, and now the anger they feel toward these men is straining the relationship their children have with their fathers.

The list could go on forever—too many of us hold on to anger. What we do not realize is that holding on to that anger hurts us more than it hurts the subjects of our disdain. The Buddha said it best:

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

You have to let it go.

The anger you feel toward that man; that woman. I am not asking you to excuse what they have done. Do not condone it. Do not pretend it never happened. Do not walk around with a fake smile upon your face—if you feel pain express it. If you are angry address it.

But here is the key: Let it go.

Stop going over in your mind what happened; reigniting the flames of anger that time would have otherwise put out. You are only hurting yourself. You will not bring more joy to your life by holding on to that anger. You will not have peace as long as that anger has residency in your heart.

Please, it is time to let it go.

Lawrence Ware is lecturing professor of philosophy at Oklahoma State University and Pastor of Christian Education at Prospect Church. He writes for Tikkun and Religion Dispatchers all while living in Oklahoma City with his wife and sons.

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Beauty Is a Journey, Not a Destination

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Today, take a moment to reflect on your ideas about beauty. Remember that transformation begins on the inside. If there is anything you wish to change about your appearance - whether it's your wardrobe, your weight, your skin or hairstyle - remember that you must first realize that you are beautiful just the way you are.

Today, make peace with the past, the things you've been through that have brought you to where you are.  Your face, your body, your posture are all reflections of the life you've lived.  Your resilience is a reflection of your beauty.  Reconsider the things you've associated with beauty in the past.  Renew your self-image. 

Today, stop comparing yourself to others and rejoice in yourself.  Life is heartbreaking to each and every one of us.  Since we never know what the next person is going through, we must remember to always be kind.  First with ourselves, then with our fellow man.  Beauty teaches us to see with our hearts.
 
 

"As you become more intimate with your authentic self - as you recover your true, incandescent identity - there will come a gradual but undeniable physical transformation.  It is absolutely impossible to commit to your spiritual growth, awaken to your own radiant Light and not have it reveal itself on the outside."
~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

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I Do Not Want Full Control of My Life

In this PLPT Guest Post, Pastor/Professor Lawrence Ware helps us to understand that we can better act in love when we surrender to the will of a higher power.

Often I find it necessary to pause and remember that I do not want to be fully in control of my life.

I find that I act in selfish, inconsiderate ways when I am fully in control. Often, it is important that I pause and remember that, as a Christian, I do not seek for my will to be done on this earth.

A way that I help myself to remember this fact is by reciting the Suscipe of St. Ignatius of Loyola:

Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty,
my memory, my understanding
and my entire will,
All I have and call my own.


You have given all to me.
To you, Lord, I return it.


Everything is yours; do with it what you will.
Give me only your love and your grace.
That is enough for me.

Now, I am not advocating everyone remember this prayer—it can be boiled down to a simple, Biblical phrase: Thy Will Be Done.

I am convinced that we are all agents of a higher power, and we can choose to spread love and life—or disharmony and spiritual death. If we are in tune with that higher power, we will take care to achieve the love and harmony that we all deeply desire within.

A simple suggestion—say this prayer whenever the need arises: “Thy will be done.” I find that in my life the need is often. When I am angry: Thy will be done. When I am frustrated: Thy will be done. When I see the ills of the world: Thy will be done.

God is wiser than we can ever hope to be. Let his will be done—not our own.

Lawrence Ware is lecturing professor of philosophy at Oklahoma State University and Pastor of Christian Education at Prospect Church. He writes for Tikkun and Religion Dispatchers all while living in Oklahoma City with his wife and sons.

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Pretty Girl Rock: The Importance of Inner Beauty and Confidence

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I wish I could say that my inner confidence is not at all tied to my appearance. But that would be a damn lie. Truthfully, when I feel pretty; I feel more confident. As I get older, however, what makes me feel pretty has changed quite a bit. I'm more driven by my opinion of myself than the opinion of others. I realize that sometimes people just won't get it and I'm cool with that. Are you?

You know, it never ceases to amaze me how quickly people will give you their (negative) opinion of how you look, what you have on, if you've gained or lost weight, etc. Isn't it awesome to arrive somewhere feeling good and be told that you're looking heavier these days? Or that you have bags under your eyes? Or maybe that your hair is breaking off or falling out? I love those unsolicited comments, don't you?!

Seriously though, comments like those can put a damper on your whole day. You might feel self-conscious or uncomfortable in your skin as a result. I wish I could tell you some magical solution to make you immune to the opinions of others. But honestly, as women, we all know that there are days when we're just not feeling our inner and outer energies radiating harmoniously the way we would like. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to push the wrong button and we're thrown off for the whole day.

The truth is that even these seemingly yucky days, wrought with insecurity, can be turned into stepping stones if we use them to change how we think about self-confidence. What I mean is, challenge yourself to feel confident no matter what anyone says. Many of us only think we look good when other people tell us that we do. Remember that feeling beautiful and confident starts in your mind. Your ability to love yourself will exude radiance no matter what is going on with your external self. Develop your inner beauty and you will always feel good about yourself. And when you feel good about yourself, you will look good.

I'm sure you've seen women who are so confident and comfortable in their skin that they can pull off any outfit, any hairdo and look like perfection. All of us can have that kind of confidence. Own your individuality. Your authentic style should be tied to who you are and where you are in your life. Own your body, your skin, and your hair and love them when they cooperate and when they don't. Don't feed into negative comments and certainly don't deprecate yourself. As you become more sure of yourself, the force of your mojo will become strong within you and will shine outward! This attitude will become just as much a part of your style as the clothes you wear and how you rock them.

Here are some more posts on inner beauty and personal style:

Authenticity: Always in Style
5 Ways to Outwardly Showcase Your Inner Pretty
Face Time
Do You See What I See?
Prayer for Beauty
 
Now, how do you overcome your insecurities about your physical appearance?   Share your tips with us!

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