10 Ways My 10 Year Old Makes Me a Better Person




my baby

Love, joy, worry, awe and aggravation. These are just a few of the feelings that swirl around inside of me when I look at this picture.  This is my only son, my manchild, my heart and he turned 10 a couple weeks ago.  If you're wondering about the aggravation part, spend one day with a 10 year old boy and you'll know what I'm talking about.

While I have to admit that the thought of him growing up terrifies me, I know that I'm here to guide him - not stifle him.   I don't want my desire to protect him to ultimately hinder him from becoming a strong, confident man.  Being a mother is teaching me so much about myself and my capacity to manage the ultimate vulnerability - which to me is raising children.   

Here are 10 of the things that I've learned from my son that have made me a better person:

1.  Unconditional love.  He gave me my first taste of pure, die for you, do anything for you, love.  My love for him helped me reconnect with my spirituality.   

2.  Vulnerability.  Love liberates. Ego holds.  As much as I want to keep him close and protect him, I know that I have to let him go to experience life for himself.

3.  Purpose.  When I was 24 years old and had my son, my personal affairs were a sloppy mess.  I gradually put my life in order so that I could provide a better life for him.

4. Courage.  My son told me not too long ago that he feels safe when he's with me.  I don't think it was a huge deal to him, but it was a moment that I know I'll never forget.  Even when I feel like I don't know what I'm doing and I want to give up, I remember his confidence in me and I press on.

5. Accountability.  He's always watching.  I try to show him that it's okay to make mistakes, but you must learn from them and take responsibility for them. He doesn't really get it yet, but I trust that he will.

6.  Faith.  Raising kids in the world we live in, I could easily drive myself crazy with worry and anxiety.  But that's no way to live.  So, when I'm worried, I just squeeze him and pray over him and let him go.  Learning this has helped me to let go in other areas of my life.

7.  Detachment.  No one likes to be smothered, especially boys.  I'm learning to give him space and not feel threatened by his desire to do more things on his own. 

8.  Persistance.  We've recently discovered that Math does not come as easily to him as Reading and English.  He gives up very easily when he doesn't understand a new math concept.  It drives me crazy to see him not trying, but it also makes me question myself and the things I give up on quickly because they don't come easy to me. 

9.  Shine.  He knows what he's good at and how to charm his audience. He's still a little rough around the edges with it, but instinctively, he knows his strengths and how to use them to his advantage. I can't wait to see how he fine tunes this as he gets older. I'm learning some of that confidence from him.

10.  Dream Big.  He wants to be an artist, a teacher, a basketball player, a millionaire and a ninja when he grows up.  And he doesn't see any reason why he can't be all those things.   In his mind there are no limits, and really, why should there be? 

How have the children in your life inspired you?!

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Love Note - Friday 5/4/12

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Affirmations for When You Feel Like Giving Up

In hindsight, things are usually not quite as bad as they seemed while you were in the moment. Try remembering that when you’re at the height of your frustration and feeling like you want to quit. If you can hold on just a bit longer, you might be right on the edge of your breakthrough. Here are some affirmations to help manage your self-talk and bring you off the ledge.

I accept the given details of my circumstances. I acknowledge that there are things about my situation that I do not like, but I know that as long as I continue working towards my ideal outcome, things will work out in my favor.

When I feel frustrated, I recognize that I need to turn inward and ask Spirit for help.

I practice changing my self-dialogue and bridging my negative thoughts back to positive ones. Instead of “I am frustrated”, I will try “I am frustrated in this moment, but I know it will get better because ___”.

I refuse to believe in “I can’t.” God—please show me how to do this.

I will take time for myself and focus on doing the things that make me happy; instead of letting my thoughts be clouded by things that do not make me happy.

Even in my darkest moments, I trust that the Universe is moving on my behalf and that I am being taken care of.

I know that patience pays off. I am thankful for the opportunity to learn patience in this moment.


Photo source

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Love Note - Friday 4/27/12

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If the Church Were Christian: a Review and Recommendation

I just finished a book that I deeply disagree with—but highly recommend.

In If the Church Were Christian, Phillip Gulley makes some very strong claims about the divinity of Christ. I deeply disagree with these claims—yet, he makes even stronger claims about the nature of what the Christian Church has become—and I completely agree with them.

Gulley is a Quaker pastor and theologian. He has written extensively about matters of Biblical exegesis and theological interpretation, but his greatest contribution to the Christian church may be this short, little book that is an incisive critique of postmodern Christianity.

I, like Gulley, am concerned about the state of Christianity in America. My concern, however, extends specifically to the black Christian community. When I attend many black churches, I feel like I am watching a production. Actors seem to be onstage performing their parts. The choir is pitch perfect; the preacher is upbeat and powerful, but often times people leave unchanged—but highly entertained.

In light of this, Gulley asks a simple question: is the Church Christian? That is to say: Would Jesus do things this way?

Gulley does not think so—and I agree. Jesus was a pretty radical guy. Luke Chapter 6 is full of this radicalism. Jesus says things that are remarkably counter intuitive: lend and expect not to receive it; judge not; love your enemies—and this is just the beginning. Truth be told, if we took Jesus seriously, Christianity would look much different. Gulley does an excellent job of pointing this out with clarity and power.

A final word: I once visited a church that had exclusive seating for its ‘special parishioners.’ These are people who gave extraordinarily to the church monetarily. When I showed up, they knew who I was (an assistant pastor at a large church and a professor of theology and philosophy at a major university), so they escorted me to the front. I noticed, however, that other people were standing outside waiting in line to get a seat. This troubled me deeply. I asked the usher when the people outside would be allowed to be seated; he said: after the VIPs are seated.

I left. I didn’t think that church was very Christian.

- Lawrence Ware
(To read Lawrence's bio, click here.)

*image credit

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The Most Important Key to Your Happiness and Success

source

"Present yourself always
As who you would be,
And that is the person
The world will see."

You know me as GG.  Mom, blogger, writer, hair enthusiast.  Lover of pretty things and positive words.  Always ready to point out the lesson and the silver lining. 

If you know me in real life, then you know that I'm a serial smiler and a peacemaker.  You might even know about the weird things I do with my hands when I talk or how I behave when I've had too much to drink.  My quirks.  My skeletons.  All of the things that make me self-conscious at times, but also make me who I am.

I know that I'm a good person, but I don't feel that I always live up to my own expectations.  I'm sure you know how that is.  I also know that I'm talented and smart, but sometimes when I'm trying to create or produce, this truth escapes me.  I'm intimidated by my own growth.  Tracee Ellis Ross captured it perfectly when she said, "I'm learning everyday to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me and not terrify me."

Do you ever feel like a walking contradiction?  Simultaneously pleased with yourself and yet conscious-stricken for no specific or valid reason?  Don't allow this duality to discourage you.   

The key to your happiness and success is directly tied to your ability to approve of yourself.  I know it can be difficult to stay detached from the opinions of others, but it's necessary.   And really, it's the only way to be free.

Don't think that you have to play small or sell yourself short in order to be gracious.  Let go of your judgements and worries about how you're perceived.  The most enlightening thing in the world is to learn to be kind to yourself and accept all that you are.

"At this very moment, you may be saying to yourself that you have any number of admirable qualities. You are a loyal friend, a caring person, someone who is smart, dependable, fun to be around. That's wonderful, and I'm happy for you, but let me ask you this: are you being any of those things to yourself?"

Please share with me in the comments why you are a self-loving, self-approved woman.  I really want to know and writing it out will surely give you a boost. 

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Pretty Things: 5 Beauty & Style Tips to Make Motherhood Look Easy

And here I am.  NOT making it look easy.

I've got everyone fooled. Well, really I don't. But I like to think that I've fooled everyone into thinking that I have it all together and I've got this motherhood/career thing totally figured out. It's all a hoax, actually.

I read this quote the other day and I chuckled out loud: "Let us be grateful to the mirror for revealing to us our appearance only." I don't know about you, but I'll drink to that. If my appearance reflected everything going on in my mind at any given time, I'd probably be walking around looking like a circus clown.

I live by the doctrine that just because you have a lot going on in your life, doesn't mean you have to look like it.  Here are some ways to keep yourself looking graceful and polished as you work and carpool and change dirty diapers.

Stay Hydrated.  I really have to force myself to drink water, but I feel so much better when I do.  I have less stomach/digestion issues and I feel much more energetic.  It also keeps your mouth feeling fresher.  Let me tell you though, it's so annoying have to go the bathroom often when you're out all day with the kids!   The pros outweight the cons though. 

Keep Your Nails Short and Sweet.  I love nail polish, but my lifestyle right now does not allow me the time I need to maintain them.  If this is true for you too, keep your nails trimmed short and neatly filed.  If you have time for a coat of clear or a nude shade - even better.  Neat nails go a long way to make you feel and look polished.  Alternatively, have you seen these new press on nails?  Supposedly, "they are quick and easy to use, as you simply size your nail, peel off the adhesive and place on firmly.  The nails are flexible and durable so you can file and shape them to your preference, and they look completely natural."   You should totally try them and let me know what you think!

Get a Haircut.  I'm not saying to chop all your hair off, but if you have a good cut, you won't have to spend as much time on your hair.  If you've been thinking about the Big Chop, for example, I say go for it.  Can you imagine the time you would save?!  If that's too drastic for you, find a signature style that you can rely on when you don't have time to wrestle with your hair.  My signature style is the bun, of course.  Hats and scarves are a big help as well.

Minimize the Makeup.  I'm no makeup expert, and I certainly don't have perfect skin but I recommend that you keep your daily makeup routine simple.  Concealer for under eye circles, a light powder if necessary or tinted moisturizer, mascara and lip gloss.  I've recently started using blush as well and I love how it makes me look more awake and vibrant.  Makeup is very personal.  You may prefer to skimp somewhere else and dedicate more time to your daily makeup routine.  "Makeup is a personality. You never tell someone what they should do to make themselves feel beautiful." - Sam Fine.

You might find these tips from Sam Fine via Afrobella helpful if you're trying to find your makeup personality.

Invest in Cute Flats.  If you're like my bestie and co-author, you'd rather wear heels than flats any day.  But if you're like me and have an almost 2 year old to chase, you probably need some practical, cute flats to run around in.  Practical does not have to mean frumpy.  I love these that Kim picked up a couple weeks ago. 

So, what are your tips and tricks for keeping your pretty game up while taking care of home and business and everything else?!

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