Be All the Things You Want in Your Mate

I hear a lot about women who have extensive lists of attributes, physical qualities and material possessions that they wish to find in a mate. The thing that strikes me most about some of these lists is that the women writing them do not themselves possess ALL the things they’ve listed, yet they expect someone else to come into their life that does.

There’s nothing wrong with calling in the things that you want—in fact, it is necessary that you do think and speak the things you desire into existence. But speaking abundance into someone else’s life, hoping they’ll bring it around to share with you to help you to be complete is not quite the right method.

Life is like a mirror, in that it reflects back to us what we are ourselves. It brings back to us what we project into the world. So in order to attract a man with the 35 qualities you have listed, you have to first become a person who exhibits those same qualities. If you want someone who will be honest: be honest in all your relationships. If you want someone who will be punctual: be punctual wherever you go. If you want someone who will be thoughtful and giving: be thoughtful and giving to others.

Spend time nurturing yourself and finding out what it is that you like; then do that for yourself. Cook yourself a nice meal, buy yourself a piece of pretty jewelry, or take yourself to the movies. Tell yourself that you’re beautiful. Whatever it is that you would like to have done for you by someone else, do those things for yourself. By doing so, two things happen: (1) You’ll set an example. If a person sees how well you treat yourself, there’s no way they’re going to come to you with anything less; and (2) You’ll become so accustomed to being treated well, that you won’t accept anything else anyway; you won’t get caught up in a situation that doesn’t serve you, because you’ll realize right away that it doesn’t serve you. Through each of these outcomes, you have created the positive energy that you want to be surrounded by, and initiated an attracting power that will draw people to you who are like you. You show the Universe that you value yourself, so you’ll attract someone who values themselves, and who will also value you.

If you feel that you absolutely have to have a list to serve as a reminder of what you’re attracting, try this: more than the “things” a person might have, try listing the way you want to feel when you’re with them. Will your ideal person: Be loyal? Be trustworthy? Make you feel secure? Verbally express how they feel about you? Figure out what a good relationship will feel like for you so that you can recognize it when it comes along. If a person makes you feel the way you want to be treated, maybe some of the items on that other list won’t matter as much.

There’s an oft repeated quote by Mahatma Gandhi that states: “..be the change you want to see in the world”, and it applies here as well. Be the change you want to see in yourself. Or, be all the things you want in your mate.