Monday, September 10, 2012

Needs, Wants and Living Without Regret



Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions. ~Author Unknown

What drives you more -- needs or wants? Are you more likely to make decisions based on what you think is best for you in the long run or what will satisfy you most in the moment? The uncertainty of life requires that we find some kind of balance between these two concepts.

On the one hand, tomorrow is not promised and we don't want to constantly deny ourselves of things that bring us pleasure. On the other hand, living in a reality of complete indulgence and immediate gratification is chaotic at best, isn't it?
***

I went through a period in my life where I was constantly in crisis. My decisions were all based on what I felt would make me feel best in the moment. During that time, I was insecure, impressionable, and disconnected from myself. I didn't admit it to myself at the time, but I now know that I didn't believe I had a future worth protecting. I didn't believe in myself and my faith was weak, so the decisions I made for my life reflected that.

I'm certainly not in that place anymore, but I can still see it clearly in my rearview. In many ways, I'm still paying for the choices I made back then. I haven't gotten rid of the regret yet (perhaps I never will), but I dwell on it less and less. What about you? Are you a recovering chaos junkie like me? Or maybe you've always played it safe and now you don't know how to indulge yourself. Most of us can relate in some way to both of these extremes. 
***

Have you ever thought about this concept of needs and wants and how your approach to it has shaped your life? It's worth some self-reflection. Whether we realize it or not, our tendency to lean towards one or the other often causes regret and dissatisfaction in our lives. We wonder, what if I'd done things differently? What if I'd been more responsible? What if I'd married the wild one instead of the stable one? What if I'd taken that job overseas? What if I'd done the unthinkable instead of the expected? What if I'd saved and planned for the future instead of living outside of my means?

Really, we can drive ourselves crazy with the what if's. Or, we can sit back and observe our decisions without judging them as right or wrong. What we've done, what we haven't done -- it's just our path. We don't always do or even know what's best for us. Our hearts and minds disagree more often than not and yet they must coexist. We always have the option to change the way we do things if it's not working so just keep doing the best you can to seek balance and leave the regrets behind.



3 comments:

Kim Jackson said...

The quote that opens this post is everything. When we look at our "bad" decisions in that way, they become so much easier to accept as part of the path. I lived the same way you mentioned above when I was in my 20s: chaotically....I think for me, it was because I'd always been a "good" kid so I was rewarded with instant gratification. What a wake up call to become an adult and realize that Life does not always offer this--at least, not without some less than desirable consequences! It was a learning experience though--and one that I am eternally grateful for.

Anonymous said...

ha, this is perfect timing. I just made a pretty (ok really) bad decision that I have a feeling I will regret in the future. Pretty much based on this and I'm also in my late 20's right now.

"My decisions were all based on what I felt would make me feel best in the moment. During that time, I was insecure, impressionable, and disconnected from myself. I didn't admit it to myself at the time, but I now know that I didn't believe I had a future worth protecting. I didn't believe in myself and my faith was weak, so the decisions I made for my life reflected that.


I was about to start beating myself on the head profusely but realized I need to reflect and learn from what I have done and move forward. This was a really great post, thank you.

GG said...

@Kimmie - Completely agree. Everything we go through makes us wiser. We have to remember that when we suffering from growing pains and feeling scared or frustrated. It's just the cycle of growth and of life in general.

@Anon - I've made plenty of those! :) Just keep moving forward, and always keep your head up. Everyone around you is making mistakes too. Thanks for sharing with us!

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