Friday, May 21, 2010

Not Feelin' It

Sometimes....I just don't feel like writing. Sure, there's a lot of writing that I should get done, but I just don't feel like it! Sometimes, I don't want to do housework. I don't want to cook, clean, straighten or do laundry; yes, I realize those towels have been sitting unfolded on the couch for a week, but I'm sorry--I don't want to fold them. There are times when I don't want to watch TV--the reality shows are too silly, the dramas are too dramatic and the comedies are too unfunny. Nothing you can show me can entertain me in these moments. There are times when I don't want to go anywhere, but instead wish to sit, curled up in the little nook of my sofa--the only place I can imagine ever needing to be. I love my family and friends, but I don't want to talk. I don't want to text, email, tweet, facebook or instant message; as a matter of fact, I just have to turn my phone off. At some moments, all I want to do is sip my mug of green tea...or bury myself in a good book and let my imagination run wild in some alternate universe of someone else's creation...or cocoon within my sheets and comforter...or sit and stare at the four walls. Occasionally, I want/need/have to just do absolutely nothing and not feel guilty about it.

I'm not sure why it is that I have moments where I feel this way. But I do pause to wonder if I am the only one who does. I wonder: "Is it that my estrogen levels are raising and falling at such a rate that they cancel each other out and render me emotionally mute? Do I focus so much, work so hard and multi-task so fervently that my mind and body are forced to shut down every once in a while just so they can reboot? Am I subconsciously upset at some perceived injustice that is disrupting my peace? Am I borderline depressed--should I get a referral to see someone?! Or maybe, I'm being ridiculously dramatic and this is just ole' familiar laziness creeping in. Perhaps I should be pushing myself to write, work, and fold right on through this funk." These, and other random thoughts, they crawl/walk/run underneath and on top of each other through my brain when this feeling (or lack thereof) settles in.

There is something that I do know for sure: each occurrence of this kind will pass. I have to feel it, ride it out and do my best to explore it. I have to let it engulf me when it comes around because I just need to. (No, I honestly haven't come up with a better explanation than that.) But before I know it, I'll be focused again and off running at full speed working, writing, parenting, socializing and any other -ings that I can cram into my days. So during such times...just for a few moments, I let myself
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Monday, May 17, 2010

No Regrets - Only Purpose

Sometimes it gets confusing trying to figure out what to do. Am I doing the right thing? What if I'm wrong? I'll be embarrassed. What will people say? If the confusion is on the inside, the answer is there, too. No human being has all the answers. One of the greatest mysteries we must unravel is our purpose, and there are no guarantees about what we will encounter on our way.

We are taught we must be validated by others. Unfortunately, we believe it. We don't trust ourselves. We search for the support and acceptance of others. We question what we know unless we can identify someone else who taught us. We forget we have a built in mechanism of information, protection and guidance. We move outside of ourselves, then cry and feel unlucky when we get lost. If we are to survive we must accept and understand what we already know. When in doubt, have no fear. Ask yourself: "Do I have the strength and courage to do what I know is right and necessary for me?''

I'm always looking for security and guarantees. When really, in life, there are none. Today, I'm remembering that my security lies in the fact that every mistake or success that I experience has a purpose.

Vows and Promises
Elude me so to Purpose
I surrender All.
~ Haiku by GG
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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Tie a string on your finger so you never forget...

..these gentle reminders:

Seasons Change
Sometimes we have to go through a tremendous amount of pain or learn difficult lessons in order to recognize the good, but we are always smarter, stronger and more self-aware when all is said and done... Read more

Is It Me?
Do you wonder why you keep attracting the same kinds of men into your life? Friendships? Financial Situations? It doesn't matter - the law of attraction does not discriminate... Read more

Know Thyself
Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death... Read more

Livin' Off the Wall
We have to be ferocious and unafraid in pursuit of our dreams and unrelenting in our desire to touch others in a positive way. Life is so much better when we shake off stress and just LIVE to the best of our own abilities... Read more

Buried Treasure
Gifts are an interesting thing. They're innate and planted into our spirits--designed to help us grown, learn, commune, share and affect the world around us in a way that is special and unique just to each individual... Read more 
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Thursday, May 6, 2010

Authenticity: Always in Style

"Fashion can be bought; style must be possessed.
Fashion guesses, so it can only bluff. Style knows.
Fashion is impatient and eventually passes away.
Style is steadfast and waits for every woman's awakening,
because authentic style is born of Spirit."

It's a beautiful thing to really come into your own as a woman and understand what style is all about. Style is about who we are and not who we think we ought to be.

Nowadays, I'm all about simplifying my life. Over time, my style is more and more becoming a reflection of that. I'm a working mother with 2 babies...OK children...and one on the way, and I need to be comfortable, feminine, and effortless. I'm getting over my fear of throwing out old clothes, shoes and beauty habits that are just taking up space and time.

Becoming comfortable in my own skin has made me realize a few things about my personal style:

* My natural hair is my favorite and most authentic accessory that I could ever have.
* I care more about how my clothes make me feel than how they make me look.
* Piggy-backing on that second one, I believe that if I feeeel sexy then I will looook sexy. I don't try to do it the other way around anymore.
* Less is more. As I slowly declutter, I actually find that I have more to wear because all the stuff is out of the way and I can see what's really there and what's really me.

Have you thought about why you wear your hair the way you do, dress the way you do, follow trends the way you do? Make it a point to know what makes you feel beautiful, regardless of what the world says should make you feel beautiful.

"Fashion fades. Only style remains."
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Tuesday, May 4, 2010


About a year ago, something very hurtful occurred. Something that tested my boundaries and caused me to question all the things I had previously thought to be true about my life, friends and relationships. But as upset as I was, I knew I had to move past it. I just knew that I had to accept, forgive and release it because ultimately there was a lesson to be learned and to grow from.

Just a few short days after this thing happened, I read the following excerpt--one of the daily devotions from Until Today. And as I sit here, one year later, pondering yet again that strange turn of life events, it is just as poignant now as it was then.

I am now receptive to the idea that...I can make things more difficult than they need be.

It really isn't as hard as you are making it. It's really quite simple. Unfortunately, you have so much "stuff" attached to it, you are creating a burden where there need not be one. You are creating a problem where non exists. You are causing yourself a great deal of upset for no reason. There is really no reason to fight or argue about it; to explain or demand an explanation. You are clear!

You did not like what happened. It did not honor you. It was a violation of your boundaries. It was not in keeping with the agreement you made or the agreement someone else made with you. What is happening or has happened is not of your choice, nor is it of your making. So it's really very simple! Stop looking and asking for an explanation. Stop demanding that people do what they have already demonstrated an unwillingness or inability to do. Accept what has happened and decide what you are going to do about it. Once you make the decision that honors you, move on!

Until today, you may have been prone to making the realities of your life a bit more difficult than they need to be. Just for today, accept what you know and feel to be right for you without trying to convince others that it must be right for them.

Today I am devoted to seeing things plainly and keeping it simple!*

Every day, I continue to forgive, continue to learn and accept that it's okay to move on and honor what is right for me. I accept that life had to move old things out of the way to make way for new things...and that the new will be more aligned with who I am today. There's no need for me to clutter my emotions by holding onto the past and making life more difficult than it needs to be...


Keeping it simple

*exerpt from Until Today: Daily Devotions for Spiritual Growth and Peace of Mind, by Iyanla Vanzant
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