Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Guest Post: Where Is Their Mother? Why You Need to be Present for Your Children



Recently at a child’s birthday party I found myself asking this question: "Where is their Mother?". At first I was upset with the children but then I redirected my anger. The person at fault is a relative. You know her story. She has five kids at home, different baby daddies who are nowhere to be found, she works a crap job just to make ends meet, and her kids are totally out of control. And as a mother myself I get so frustrated with her! That’s not the right word. Irritated? Closer I think, but still not strong enough. I get right pissed-off at her!

Why are her children always unkempt? Why do they have to be told something two or three times before they respond? Where are their manners? Where Is their Mother? Not the girl who is slapping, cursing, and hating her children. Not that person. Where is their Mother? The woman who loves her children so much it hurts - the woman who cries for her children when they are in pain- the woman who teaches her daughters to be ladies-the fierce lioness that protects her cubs at all costs. Where is she? Where is their Mother?

I’ve known this parent and her children for a long time. She has both daughters and sons and shows no preference for girls or boys. She has no favorite child and appears to regard them all with equal disdain. Occasionally, she will do something nice for one child. Perhaps one has a birthday and may be treated to a special dinner out. Or one has a decent report card and gets a new pair of shoes. But even these perceived acts of love are all selfishly used to make her appear like a good mom to others or are held over the other children’s heads like some sort of brass ring to get them to behave.

I always look for the good in people. It’s just my nature. Sometimes that means I make excuses for their bad behavior. I used to say she treats her children badly because she is angry with herself. She talks to them any kind of way because she is hurting inside. Her behavior has something to do with how her parents treated her as a child. Maybe she was unloved or never given the tools to parent correctly, or at least better. But I’m done with excusing her. She has too many children, too many talk shows, too many bookstores, too many blogs, too much free time, too many examples, and too much at stake not to do better.

Her treatment of her children is disgusting and has to stop. Now! Stop hating the children you chose to birth. Stop whining like you are a victim or a prisoner of the life you made. Stop blaming everyone but yourself for the type of people your children are becoming. Stop acting like the little girl who laid down years ago and created these children to show love toward some boy who was undeserving in the first place.

Grow up and get your stuff together! Please. My children need you to. Every parent whose child will come in contact with one of yours needs you to. More importantly, your children need you to. With every word, with every action, they are begging for you to love them. They are desperate for you to locate her. They want to know where she is. Where is she? Where is their Mother?


- Penned by Kamesha M. 

*photo (source)

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

WOW, This is a fantastic post. I am often irritated by this this type of Mother. But like you've stated we can no longer make excuses, it is time to pick yourself up and move forward with grace and integrity. No longer should we blame our past, there are too many resources available to us. Great Job.

Meesh said...

Thank you Anonymous. I had to write about this, I just don't understand this type of mother. I appreciate your comment, this was my first post!

Anonymous said...

Wonderfully written. Often times, I get angry at my sister because I do not think she is the best mother to my three nieces. She has an obvious favorite and will say so in front of my other niece. I cannot stand it. She will tell me, "you dont have children, you don't know what its like" I have done school shopping for her children in the past for 2-3 yrs straight because she chooses her needs over theirs. She will buy her man Christmas gifts but not her children. But to everyone else who doesnt know her, she is a great person. Loving, caring, friendly, open. But to me, I do not like her, sad to say. I hate the way she treats her children.

Meesh said...

I understand exactly what you're saying Anonymous. The selfishness your sister is showing has everything to do with her self-respect issues and nothing to do with your nieces. Just keep working to show your nieces another example....you don't need to be a mother to love them well.

Natural Sunshine said...

Great post. I pride myself on being a good mother who is in tuned with my children. It bothers me to my core when mothers do not mother their children. You're absolutely right there are too many resources.

Natural Sunshine said...

Great post. I pride myself on being a good mother who is in tuned with my children. It bothers me to my core when mothers do not mother their children. You're absolutely right there are too many resources.

Meesh said...

Thank you Natural Sunshine. Some mothers are plain lazy. They don't realize, as you and I do, it takes work to guide children to become responsible, respectful, loving and beautiful adults.

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