Epiphanies

I think I'm just about over rushing through my life trying to get what someone else has. Trying to feel the way I think someone else feels based on my own distant perception of their life. I'm over missing out on the me that is now in constant pursuit of happily ever after. After all, ever after is now.

I think I'm just about over allowing the media to fill my mind with sex, fear, lies and destructive gossip. It distracts me from productive, creative thought and fills my mind with clutter.

I think I'm just about over feeling guilty. Feeling guilty about everything and anything. It's draining and stressful and I'm done with it. No more giving into my inner doubts to the extent that I can't see what's real. No more giving over my power to such a wasteful emotion. Feel it, forgive it and move on with it.

I think I'm just about over trying to be seen. I'm right here. Everything that I'm not, makes me what I am. I don't need to overcompensate. Whether you see it or not, whether you dig it or not, here it is and it's just as simple as it is complex.

I think I'm just about over being irresponsible and making excuses for it. Feeling like someone owes me something. Feeling like life should cater to me more. Boo hoo. I don't want to hear anything that self-sabotage has to say. I'm a woman fed up.

I think I'm just about over winter! (I just had to throw that in there.)

What are you over? What has worn out its welcome in your life? Be done with it!

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Accept, Forgive, Release

Letting go is not easy. Even when we know that people, places or things no longer have a place in our lives, we still sometimes hang on to emotions that affect every aspect of our beings and keep us from moving on. Sometimes our minds and hearts are filled to the brim with "coulda, woulda, shouldas", regrets and things we wish we had said and done. We look for "closure" when the only closure we really need is that this person/place/thing has served its purpose, we have learned the lesson and we are on to better people/places/things. But it's not always that simple, right?

An exercise that I have found works very well in clearing out all the negative thoughts about the past is to write a letter. It sounds very elementary but it can be a huge release. Often, for example, a person with whom our ties are now broken, is long gone before we realize that there were some things we wanted them to know. Of course now, it would serve no purpose to try and communicate with them. But by writing them a letter, we can say all those things--they will never read it of course, but it will feel better after having gotten it out of our systems and now the negativity can no longer fester and cause us heartache.

I wanted to share one such letter that I have written:

"I forgive you for everything that you have done that has caused me pain. I release the notion that you owe or have ever owed me anything, other than to be yourself and to reveal the truth of who you are. I release you from any obligation that I perceived you to have to protect my feelings. I am grateful to you for leaving my life and making room for someone else to come in--someone who is good for me, right now, right where I am.

I forgive myself for any pain that I have ever caused you. I forgive myself for not always showing you the truth of who I am. I forgive myself for any times that I was not as loving as I could have possibly been or that I didn't try as hard as I could have. I forgive myself for trying to keep you in my life when it was time for you to move on, and for not being strong enough to let you leave before our relationship was broken beyond repair. I allow myself to have the peace of knowing that I loved you, had your best interests at heart, and was as honest with you as I could be based on the information that I had about myself. I am thankful for the lessons I have learned that now allow me to know more about myself than I did before. I am thankful for all the growth I experienced through my relationship with you.

I release all hurt, anger, guilt, shame, resentment, regret and sadness tied to you or to what we once had. I now open myself to receive healing, comfort, love, compassion and peace. I am love...and like attracts like. I am thankful for the new things that are in store for my life."

After you have written your letter, read it whenever you start to question what life has in store for you. When you start to long for things past, things that can no longer fill you up or bring you joy--read it. When you're overwhelmed by fear, sadness or anger, read it out loud. By spilling these words from your mouth, they will eventually make their way into your heart and surely begin to manifest themselves as your reality. As you accept the change, you can be forgiving. As you forgive yourself and everyone/thing involved, you can release them. And when you have released them, you too are free.

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You can be Successful...Even When You Mess Up

I hate messing up. It's much easier to "embrace the lesson" after the fact than it is while you are in the midst of the mess-up and dealing with the consequences. Sometimes you just want to pout and sulk about it.

Messing up is one of my triggers. By trigger, I mean it often brings about a depressive state of mind. It calls forth those dormant negative thoughts that tell me no matter how well I do, I'm always going to ultimately mess everything up again. Moreover, the negative thoughts say that since I'm bound to mess up again, I might as well not fight it and just accept the messed-up-ed-ness as a way of life.

Well, I've had enough of this cycle to know that it doesn't work. No matter how much you try to tell yourself "This is just how I am" or "This is just something that I do". Your true spirit never believes that and will continue to nudge you until you acknowledge it. Instead of walking around in a cycle of guilt and shame, we have the power to turn any mistake into a success. It's all about will and strategy.

I came across the post below, Act as if you've been succeeding and You will succeed from a blog called Pun Intended which is full of funny, inspirational content.

This is just an excerpt from the post. It's all about how defeat happens within our own minds when we allow our old ways of thinking to sweet talk us into submission. Its game sounds so familiar and so comfortable that we are easily seduced. We know the tune, we've danced the dance and it takes no effort to rejoin the pity party and let our old ways take over.

What I hope you take away from this post is:

You have to do things differently to get different results.
You don't have to be a victim of your circumstances and habits.
Your ego will tell you that you can't change, but it's a lie.
You can consciously train your mind for success, even in the midst of a setback.

So anyway, check out this very thought-provoking strategy to try the next time you disappoint yourself. I'm going to try to apply this every chance I get, and I will let you all know how it works for me!

Common Pitfalls and Strategies to Overcome Them

Mistake: You’re on a diet, and slip up badly. You identify with your slip up, and subsequently return to your old eating habits.

Use your mind: Act as if you’ve been successful maintaining your diet for the past ten days. Had you been successful for the past ten days, you would find it important to continue that success today, wouldn’t you?

Mistake: You’re engaged in an exercise program, yet miss two weeks. Your mind identifies with the days you‘ve missed. This identification leads you to conclude you might as well veer off from your goal; after all, you’ve just missed two weeks — why exercise today?

Use your mind: Act as if you’ve been consistent with your exercise program since day one. That‘s why, continuing your program today is so important. After being consistent for the past two weeks, you wouldn’t throw away today – would you?

Mistake: You’ve been doing terribly in school. You identify with your past scholastic short comings, and continue picking up where you’ve left off.

Use your mind: Put your mind in the place it would be had you started improving your grades weeks ago. After so much effort has been placed, you wouldn’t throw it all away today, would you?

Why do we allow our past to dictate our present? If we identify with past mistakes or shortcomings we are bound to repeat them. We become slaves to the past. Let us instead create our own identifications. Let’s be our own masters, shall we?

“When you identify with your past, it owns you. You must own yourself.”

One may interject and say, “but aren’t you merely engaging in self deception?” No. Of course when using this strategy, we know we slipped up. We aren’t idiots. It’s about acting as if we haven’t messed up. If we act that way, we will behave that way, and our today will be one in which we are proud of.


Remember to focus on the now. No matter what you would have done in the past or what might happen tomorrow - you have control over your attitude and decisions right here and now. You are powerful! Instead of being afraid of your power, try putting it to use and be amazed at the results.

"In order to succeed you must fail, so that you know what not to do the next time."
~Anthony J. D'Angelo

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A Little Encouragement

 “Sometimes life will flip the script and you can find yourself in
situations you never thought you would be in.  Life has a way of
changing without your permission. Your health, business, family,
relationships, money or job can take a turn.

When adversity comes, it can make you or break you. When  this happens
you must dig deep for your faith, strength, courage and wisdom. There
are some things you'll never understand and they will remain a mystery.

Some days you may feel tired, weak, defenseless and have doubts.  Some
days you may feel relentless, confident, blessed and wanna shout!  You
have a choice to rejoice in spite of what you are going through.  You
have a choice to see the positive in spite of all the negativity around
you. You have a choice to remain loving, responsible, hopeful, faithful
and productive.
 

It's your choice to get up, open the curtains, stretch your body,
breathe in peace, say a prayer, listen to some uplifting music, walk and
talk it out and over with God.

Whatever you're going through you can choose to be bitter or get better.
You can choose to whine, wish, weep, worry and wait.  Or you can take a
stand that you will not be defeated...discouraged maybe, but not
defeated.  Delayed maybe, but not defeated.

'Life does not promise us days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun
without rain.  But it does promise us strength for the day, comfort for
your tears, joy in the morning and light for your way.'”

~Author Unknown

Continue to be encouraged!

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The Price of Beauty

www.lalover.com/blkart2.htm


"Some people just have big hearts. And with this gift they're very often able to feel, offer, and show far more love than they receive from those around them. Which, at times, is a heavy load to bear. So today I'd like to remind them, and especially you, that the sun asks not that the moon and planets help brighten each day, but relishes her role as a keeper of the light and a bringer of the dawn. A role much like your own." ~ http://www.tut.com/


Shine on, beautiful ones! The world needs your light.

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Thank Goodness for Sister Friends

I consider myself extremely blessed in the friend department. I have the pleasure of being around some of the most beautiful, talented, creative, inspiring, intelligent, soulful, loving creatures I have ever met. They work hard, they are mothers/wives/girlfriends, they aspire to big dreams--and they still have the time to share a laugh, provide a shoulder to cry on, pour a glass of wine or go to bat for me whenever it's needed.

I hear horror stories all the time about the turbulent relationships between women and I cringe a little, and then give thanks for the circle of women I've been included in. Don't get me wrong--I've had my share of horrors too and I've been in situations where women have betrayed me, let me down, or dragged me down with their negative spirits. But I always have these angels right beside me, waiting to help me pick up the pieces.

There isn't anything that these dolls wouldn't do for me or that I wouldn't do for them. I value them, I cherish them and I am thankful for the opportunity to learn from them, protect and be protected by them and to have my Self reflected back to me in the mirrors of their eyes.

So this is just a little thanks to God/the Universe for my girls, my friends, my sisters.

If you have women in your life who serve the same purpose--whether they are family members, friends or mentors--relish them, make time for them, support them. If you don't have women like this in your life, be that kind of friend to someone else--selfless, loving, honest--and surely you'll make one as well. Surround yourself with people who are on positive journeys, who rain thanks from their mouths instead of complaints and who radiate love. Like attracts like.

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What is your intention?

I really admire people who are proactive, go-getters who are always up to take an adventure, try something new, or step out of their comfort zone. I’ve never identified myself as a member of this club. And for that very reason, I’ve talked myself right out of so many things by telling myself that I’m lazy and I’m a procrastinator and that I will always be that way. I never realized that I was sabotaging myself by thinking this way. I just really thought that it was true! This is how negative conditioning can fool you and keep you from becoming the explorer that you were meant to be.

My intention for 2010 is to live out the word ENERGIZED. This is my word of the year. I will no longer call myself lazy, tired and old, because I am truly none of these things! The first step is to stop thinking of myself this way, and replacing those thoughts with appropriate contradictions that affirm my limitless potential and energy to live, love and experience all that life has to offer! How often do I hear myself say “I don’t feel like it. I’m too tired. Let me know how it was. I’ll go next time. I’ll take care of that later.” By putting things off, I waste precious energy on worrying about the fact that I’ve put them off and feeling guilty about it. By not trying new things, I’m limiting my growth and missing out on opportunities.

I cannot name one time that I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone and didn’t learn something new about myself, and if you haven’t noticed, I’m all about self-discovery. So therein lies the question, what the heck am I afraid of? Afraid of failure? Success? Embarrassment? Awkwardness? Regret? Expectations? All of the above, I suppose. It seems so silly to me. I frustrate myself by being able to write these insightful things, but then often finding it difficult to live out the truth of it in my own life.

Baby steps.

I ask myself the tough questions, dig deep for honest answers, and set an intention to be mindful of myself and my choices.

What I spend my energy on, should be just as important as what I spend my money on. When I catch myself wasting energy on things I cannot control and thinking negatively, I will practice replacing those thoughts. I know this is not an overnight thing or just a year long thing - this is a life long thing. It takes time to replace behaviors that are so deeply ingrained. There’s no rush or need to beat up on myself. I’m a work in progress.

An ENERGIZED work in progress.

Deciding how to spend your time and energy should be a thoughtful process, because they are both precious commodities. Rest and personal time is extremely important, and my priority to take care of myself in this area certainly hasn’t changed. However, I am hoping with time that I will have the wisdom to recognize when I’m allowing fear to trick me and when I’m really in need of rest and rejuvenation. I don’t expect easy squeezy, and I don’t expect that I won’t resist my own admirable intentions. I know myself better than that. But what I also know is that since I’ve discovered that I have the free will choice to be happy or not, I’ve been happy. Since I’ve discovered that I have the choice of whether to love and be loved unconditionally or not, I’ve been loved unconditionally. Everything is a choice. I’m choosing to be energized, empowered and juiced up on life.

And so it shall be!

What is your word of the year?

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Goals & Resolutions

This is the time of year where people reflect on themselves and make resolutions or set goals about what they want for the upcoming year. These goals and resolutions are generally very personal, but here are a few that will help any/every one to have a more healthy, loving and peaceful 2010:

1. Drink more tea. Green teas and white teas have antioxidants that work well in helping the body's immune system, increasing white blood cells (which fight sickness) and even helping skin to have a healthier glow. Black teas are a great alternative to coffee. They contain caffeine, but in smaller amounts, and can help you to feel more awake or energized. Rooibos teas (also called red or red bush teas) are also said to help fight colds-especially helpful now in the winter season.


2. Take vitamins. The body is a wonderfully complex system that works perfectly to sustain itself. However, every machine needs a little oil now and then, right? And so your body requires a little dietary help from time-to-time as well. The need will vary from person to person, but most bodies could use a little extra help from echinacea and/or vitamin C for immune health; vitamin E for heart health as well as healthy hair, skin and nails; Omega 3 fatty acids (fish oil pills) which can supplement protein and are also good for hair skin and nails. Many women in their 30s and older can also benefit from an iron supplement and/or a calcium supplement. The easiest way to get the vitamins your body needs is to take a daily women's multi-vitamin--especially if you're not sure specifically where your body requires the extra help.


3. Volunteer. The best way to help you to feel better about yourself is to serve others. Find something you're good at, and teach it to youth at a community center. Join a local Big Brothers/Big Sisters organization. Serve food at a local soup kitchen or shelter. Get re-involved in the community activities of your church or your sorority. Donate clothing that you no longer wear to a women's shelter, Salvation Army or Goodwill store. Go grocery shopping for your elderly neighbor. Just do whatever comes naturally and feels personal to you. And remember that as you give, so shall you receive, receive and receive.


4. Start a journal. If you don't already have a journal, start one immediately. Maybe you're not a writer, but you have an interesting idea for a blog or a website; start one. Maybe you're a photographer--make a photo journal. But find some way to document your journey over the next year. It is easy to forget how far you've come when you're up in your feelings or in a dark emotional place. Looking back at the journal you have kept, can remind you of just how much you have actually accomplished that you didn't even realize, or remind you of a lesson you have learned, and pull you right out of that funk.


5. Spend time in silence/meditation daily. This does not have to be anything formal. Just find 10 minutes a day to quiet your mind. It is almost impossible to hear yourself, your spirit, your inner guide when you have all the clutter of the day floating around in there. Use this time to breathe deeply, to relax, to recharge, to affirm yourself. Some people actually repeat affirmations, some prefer yoga. The method does not matter, it is the resulting peace that is the key.


6. Pamper yourself. Love youself all year long mentally, physically and emotionally. Read a few good books, or take a class. Take a nice hot candlelit bath, condition your hair for a ridiculously long time, give yourself a mani/pedi. Watch, read or listen to wonderfully affirming messages about the beautiful spirit of a woman. Do whatever makes you feel great and smile wide and do it often.
 
This is by no means an exhaustive list, but simply a few suggestions that perhaps you can add to your existing list of goals or resolutions. However you choose to better yourself and grow in the new year, we are sending you vibes of sucess, strength, poise, passion and purpose to help you accomplish everything you have set your mind and your heart to do.


The happiest of new years!

Peace and blessings,

Gina and Kim

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