Monday, August 27, 2012

Join Me: Change Your Thoughts and Break Your Patterns


Ever since my mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia, I've been worried that I would eventually face the same fate.

When you have a family history of mental illness, or any health issue/disease for that matter, you can easily become engrossed with the idea that you are going to get sick, too. You might mistake normal bodily changes and occurences as more serious symptoms because you're subconsciously waiting for this self-fulfilling prophecy to come to pass.

Even before she was diagnosed, there were obvious peculiarities to her behavior that I also recognized in my maternal grandmother. So, I didn't need the diagnosis to know that there was something going on with them that seemed to have been passed down from mother to daughter. With this awareness, I would look at myself in the mirror and feel so hopeless. Entering adulthood, I harbored thoughts of being damaged and broken. I didn't think I had a chance.

I don't think that way anymore, but I do hear voices. Not the persecuting voices that my mother and grandmother would often speak of, but there are murmurs of fear that linger in my mind that I have to constantly silence. They tell me that my family history has predisposed me to a life mental and emotional struggle, and that I won't be able handle the life that I want for myself.  I know these are lies, but sometimes I lose my resolve and I doubt.  I don't trust my own experience.

Can you in some way relate these feelings to your life?  Is there something that you are allowing to hold you back?  Today, I'm asking you to join me in being brave and facing those fears.  I believe that personal power starts with awareness.  God gives us everything that we need and often, due to our circumstances, we are too afraid to see it.  Give yourself a chance to write your own story.  Just give yourself a chance. 

Promise?  Okay, me too.


♥ CG ♥ said...

I hear ya, GG. Know that you're not alone in wondering what's factual and what is based on observations/experiences with others. Being able to openly share what I think is a highly personal aspect of your life is so encouraging. I'd love to chat with you one day, I have a feeling we have a great deal in common :-).


LK From The Bay said...

My mother suffered from the same disorder when I was growing up, and I has some traumatic experiences. I used to think that I would end up the same way, but counseling changed all that. All I can say is stay strong, keep a balance within your life, and love and support both your mother and grandmother.

Tiffany said...

Always inspirational here. Keep up the good work! Giving myself a chance? Absolutely!

GG said...

@CG I think we definitely have a lot in common. We'll definitely meet one day. Don't you live in the DMV area?

@LK Wow, thank you so much for that perspective and advice. I'm seeking that balance everyday.

@Tiffany Thank you! Me too! :)

livelovelaugh331 said...

I can definitely relate to this. My great and maternal grandmother had Alzheimers and i fear I will get it too. One person from each generation gets it so we all fear for our mothers and ourselves. I promise not to be a victim to these thoughts anymore.

utopia said...

Whew. This is painfully relevant to me. I've had the same fears. My mother was schizophrenic and bi-polar. My sister and I were taken away from her when we were 3 and 4, she was found dead when we I was 12. Between the age of 3 and 12, I had probably only seen her 3 times? I don't know, that's a scary thing, to know the odds, and kind of not know the person. My biggest and greatest fear has always been that I would loose my mind/go crazy, become homeless, and then somehow die....alone. Now my adult mind says that I have family and friends and loved ones that would never let that happen, but somewhere, always, there is that fear. It wasn't until recently that God sent a message to me through an evangelist, that i was able to let that fear go.

Anonymous said...

WE are gonna do this!! I want/need to give myself a chance.

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