Saturday, August 15, 2009

Stormy Weather



Nights like this I wish that raindrops would fall. I envision black clouds casting their shadows over every corner of my life, and out of habit I brace myself for the rain that will surely come next. Sometimes I find myself in darkness, and I resentfully pout and resign myself to spend some time there when the light switch is within my arm’s reach. Oh, the drama. The internal soundtrack has certainly been melancholy today.

As I was riding home tonight, listening to 808s and Heartbreak, I decided to have a good cry. Every woman should have one from time to time. I probably get a knot in my throat at least once a day, because I’m just a sappy girl and everything touches me; but nothing cleanses my heart and purges my emotions more than a good cry. And why do I secretly revel in having the right music to accompany my sorrowful mood? It sounds so contrived, right? Acceptable or not, I have to tell it like it is. Honesty and vulnerability are powerful healers, and tonight my spirit needs healing

In the last couple of days, I have not had enough sleep or healthy meals, almost no time has been dedicated to quiet prayer or meditation, and I have not picked up a book or written a soul-cleansing word. My routine has been completely off, and family circumstances have been emotionally draining. Energy is going out and it’s not being replenished. For me, all of this adds up to the perfect storm. No wonder I didn’t see the simulated clouds darkening my doorstep. I know what my physical and spiritual bodies need in order to thrive and when I don’t meet those needs, my defenses go down. I need to exercise my body, mind and spirit in order to ward off the willies, the lonelies, and the if-onlies. (That’s code for fear, doubt and regret.)

I have these moments where my mind knows my loss of perspective is irrational, but I’m too caught up in my own hype. I’m deep in my feelings and detached from the facts. The beautiful part of this particular stormy night is that I finally know what I do and why I do it. I can see my stuff and call it out. I know and accept that it has to rain sometimes, and I don‘t have to let myself be washed away. Even further than that, there’s no need for me to create my own virtual storms in my head or fret over things that I can’t control. Rain or shine, faith reminds me that I am protected and equipped to handle any weather.

Love,
Singin in the Rain

5 comments:

darkskinchick23 said...

What a well written post. Beautifully written and very honest. I too, went through something similiar to your experience just yesterday. I use to fight my tears back, now I wear them proudly. There is something very purifying about a good cry. LOL I feel that everyone should allow themeselves to truely feel and listen to whatever your heart is trying to tell you. Theres nothing wrong with a few tears and some good 'ol soul searching. It makes you a little more aware of why you are here and what your purpose in life truely is.

btw, you are an incredible writer. Best of luck to you on your journey

Peace Love and Pretty Things said...

Thank you! We HAVE to find healthy ways to get in touch with our emotions. For me, writing does the trick. I used to be afraid to dig too deep, because I was afraid of what I would find. Now, I think it's scarier to let the stuff stay there and fester!

I appreciate the encouragement, and please stop back and visit us!

Denetra said...

Good afternoon! I just found your blog and it is wonderful!!!! This particular post really hit my spirit and I can definately relate. It's something very cleansing about writing, very theraputic. Thanks for a great blog and please keep it coming :)

Peace Love and Pretty Things said...

Hi Denetra! We are so glad that you like our blog. Doesn't it make challenges a little bit easier when you know you are not alone? We think so :)

Monique K. Makell said...

Oh! I love this! sometimes it's just plain necessary to have a good soul cleansing cry...this is amazing.

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