Thursday, November 10, 2011

“Find Your Truth” Series - Part I

As we grow older, more mature, and have more life experience, our perceptions of the world, and of our selves, begin to change; and in essence, our “truths” change. What does this mean? It means that we start to have a different understanding of life than we may have had 5 or 10 years prior; what we believed to be true in our teens changes in our 20s. What we believed to be true in our 20s changes in our 30s. And so, we rely on this new wisdom—our “truths”—as we navigate life, with all its struggles, on our personal journeys.

It feels good to release an old way of thinking, and to move forward with an open heart and mind. Sometimes it’s scary to do so until you realize that you’re not alone in making new discoveries. So, in the spirit of sharing, we consulted some wonderful and brilliant women to discover what they have found to be their personal truths as they have worked to become the women they are today. Through the sharing of their humorous, intelligent and insightful answers, we hope that you’ll begin to discover some truths of your own.

In this first post of the series, L’oreal shares what she finds to be true about marriage.

“These are my truths…They don’t have to be everybody’s.” –L’oreal


Before you Say I Do

If he isn't your best friend, don't marry him.

Have a girlfriend, cousin or some road dog that will have your back if you decide this isn't what you want even if it is two seconds before you say I do.

Don't try to have your whole life figured out. You will only end up with disappointments. Ideas are ok. Strict road maps are not.

Get rid of all associates, buddies, hookups or what not. Don't bring options (weight) into your marriage. Delete them out of your phone book, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn. Just don't.

Once you Say I Do

Once you say I Do, then Do. Be about your marriage and 100% committed even when the tough times come.

Have veto power over boxers and panties. What? Yep, he is the only one that has to see you in your underthings every damn day. Your lilac boy shorts were cute 4 months ago but now they are faded and stretched out. When you hit the 5 for $25 sale, let him veto the panties he is tired of seeing you in every DAY. But turnabout is fair play. You have the same opportunity.

Say you were wrong and apologize. This is super hard for us women because we normally catch our men slipping but it will happen and when it does just say you were wrong. I have struggled with this (read: still do) BUT I recall the mantra of ‘Do you want to be right and alone or wrong and together?’. You are going to be wrong. Just deal with it.

The quickest way to mend any wounds after a fight or distance between you is food and sex....yep, that simple. Fix his favorite food and hop on top. BAM! You two are made up.

Never and I MEAN NEVER go out of town without giving your man some. Never leave him without. My holy roller aunts from the south taught me that one.

Pray for that man. Pray his strength, for him on his job, everything and anything. He needs your support and prayer.

Make sure there are three beings in your marriage: you, him and God. When you two are pissed you both can turn to God and talk it out with God. God will ensure that you two come back together.

This is my favorite one and it came from my country uncle: “Don't do nothin’ outside the house that you ain't doing inside the house. If your man ain't cutting ya'll's grass, he ain't going over to cut his mama's grass. If you ain't dressing up for your date night with him, you ain't dressing up to go out with your girlfriends.”

Sexually, be what your mate needs. Don't let some other chick steal your hubby because you ain't_____ like he wants. If he likes you to tickle him behind his ears or send him sexts, girl, get to work doing that thing. The marital bed is undefiled. You can be as freaky as you need to be as long as it doesn't break any state laws. If you don't think another chick would do that ________ thing for him?!?!?!? Shoot, don't do it and watch what happens. Plus, when you reveal that you like ______ he will be more than happy to return the favor.

Get a life. No seriously, get a life. During your newlywed phase you will want to be boo'ed up pretty hard. That is a beautiful thing but after that, get a life. Make sure you are doing things without your man and nurturing your relationships that you had before your marriage. Have girl's night out. Join a book club. I have no idea how it is to be a husband but being a wife can consume you. Too many trashy novels start with a wife who has lost her identity. Make sure that you don't lose yours.

Think of marriage as an organism, not an institution. An institution evokes thoughts of a cold, gray cemented place that is restrictive and can be learned because it never changes. Yet, if you think of your marriage as organism it gives you a better picture of what you are really dealing with in marriage. Organisms are constantly evolving into bigger and better things when properly fed. If you are giving nothing to feed your organism or worse putting toxic things into it, then it will die.

Finally, accept that he is not perfect and neither are you. He is going to forget the eggs at the store; leave his clothes on the floor. But he is yours...all yours. Love him.

After You say I'd Do and You Did and God Does

This is one I had to learn too early in my life with the passing of my father. Just for clarification, my parents were married since Noah got off the ark--but the Lord called him home. While you are making your life together, make sure that you are making a life you will be proud of and that the memories you make will sustain your spouse after you are gone. My mother has 3 children, 3 grandkids and 2 son-in-loves, memories galore and a ton of love because of the life she and my father made together. I pray even more blessings for you and your spouse.


We hope L’oreal’s insight has inspired you to share your truths with us as well. Feel free to discuss in the comments section, or to email us at with the subject “My Truth” and let us know that you would like to be featured.


Shay K said...

I think I like this new series! Thanks Ladies!

Kim Jackson said...

We're so glad to hear (read) that! Be sure to check back next Thursday for Part II!

WomenAreGamechangers said...

I love how she stated that marriage is not an institution but an organism that evolves. Now this is good sound advice unlike some other publications. I'm definitely going to follow this series. Now will this series just deal with relationships or just life in general?

Kim Jackson said...

The series will cover truths about life in general. The women we surveyed were given multiple topics to choose from and encouraged to write about what spoke to them the most. Stay tuned for a variety of relatable and though-provoking responses.

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